I rolled out of bed this morning, giddy about the dawn of Christmas eve and took off for my morning sojourn at the local gym.  On my way I was listening to what I call my “favorite song of the moment” called How Many Kings by a really cool group called Downhere.  As I drove down the unlit road called the Tea-Ellis road, I was overwhelmed by the emotions of the season and had to pull of the road.  I have, for several years, had a love-hate relationship with this time of year.  I love, as a christian, what this time of year means.  I love seeing people, despite the mind numbing cold this year, scurry about looking for the right present, having fun with friends.  I love Christmas music.  I don’t know how someone can listen to O Holy Night by your favorite artist (I think no body sings like David Phelps, but there are a lot of other great versions out there) and not get a little choked up.  I love hearing what my kids want for Christmas, but still look for that little individual gift that will make them get “that smile” on their face because it was something they hadn’t mentioned but was better than anything that they could have imagined.  I love that this time of year means that it is approaching the time of year (December 28th) where I celebrate another year of being married to the most lovely person in the world (23 years on the 28th!) who I in no way deserve and thank God for on a daily basis.

I hate (and those of you who know me know that I usually choose my words carefully) this time of year, because as someone who is usually pretty happy-go-lucky, I am overwhelmed with waves of depression.  I miss my family.  I miss my Dad, and now my Mom so much it aches.  I miss my sisters terribly and am more aware of the time that has gone by, their kids that have grown up even more without me being able to see it.  As much as I love shopping for the perfect gift, as I shop I see people who have a difficult time finding enough money to buy food for their family, and now have the pressure of trying to find the way to get the toy of the year, and how as parents it breaks their heart because as with any parent, they desire to give their children the desires of their heart and they can’t.  I detest how the church, the bearer of The Answer to any problem the world has (including the mopy, world-is-coming-to-an-end christian, but that is another blog), has been sucked into the worldly vortex of the season.  It seems there is the yearly church campaign trying to get Christ back in Christmas.  This year it seems to be the, “Advent Conspiracy” which is good, but we already have the “Answer” to the problems, we just need to get our butts out of the pew and into the street and provide that Answer to hurting people.

In my circular journey, I always come back to what this time of year means though and this year has been driven home by the song How Many Kings this year.  The video and lyrics:

Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we’ve projected
A child in a manger

Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliness hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
Just a child
Is this who we’ve waited for?

Cause how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior
All that we have whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he’ll suffer
Do you believe, is this who we’ve waited for?
It’s who we’ve waited for

How many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
Only one did that for me

All for me
All for you
All for me
All for you

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(download the whole CD, it’s worth it!)

One King stepped off of His throne at this time of year, and He would have done it even if I were the only one here and He would have done that for you, even if you were the only one here.  I love that.